Apologies for being gone for so long. I promise I have a good reason. I got some surprise news in August. A big surprise. The kind that makes you feel sick a few weeks later, for a few months. The kind of surprise that brings a little human in to your life nine months later. Yep… I am pregnant.
When I published one of my last blogs on about the grief I felt about not having another child, I had begun to move on and feel ok about not having a fourth baby. I had begun to plan out a return to work and was working hard to complete my life coaching course. I had begun to coach one beautiful woman and was getting excited about setting up my coaching business. I could see a life without any more babies being fulfilling and exciting. I think that this was probably the first time in my adult life that I had realised that I was ok with no more children.
And then…. Surprise! The universe had other plans.
For someone who had grieved the loss of my dream for another child so deeply… I was very shocked, and it took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that my plans had changed. I also felt a lot of guilt for feeling like this. I mean wasn’t I the one who wanted another child and now I was completely freaking out? Also, after my littlest two being such planned and monitored conceptions via IVF this felt very different.
Fast forward a few months of terrible morning sickness, exhaustion and putting plans on hold and I am happily 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I feel those little kicks and movements in my belly and know that my coaching plans can wait and that I will be ok (somehow) at being an (unorganised) mum of four.