Suprise!

Apologies for being gone for so long. I promise I have a good reason. I got some surprise news in August. A big surprise. The kind that makes you feel sick a few weeks later, for a few months. The kind of surprise that brings a little human in to your life nine months later. Yep… I am pregnant.

When I published one of my last blogs on about the grief I felt about not having another child, I had begun to move on and feel ok about not having a fourth baby. I had begun to plan out a return to work and was working hard to complete my life coaching course. I had begun to coach one beautiful woman and was getting excited about setting up my coaching business. I could see a life without any more babies being fulfilling and exciting. I think that this was probably the first time in my adult life that I had realised that I was ok with no more children.

And then…. Surprise!  The universe had other plans.

For someone who had grieved the loss of my dream for another child so deeply… I was very shocked, and it took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that my plans had changed. I also felt a lot of guilt for feeling like this. I mean wasn’t I the one who wanted another child and now I was completely freaking out? Also, after my littlest two being such planned and monitored conceptions via IVF this felt very different.

Fast forward a few months of terrible morning sickness, exhaustion and putting plans on hold and I am happily 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I feel those little kicks and movements in my belly and know that my coaching plans can wait and that I will be ok (somehow) at being an (unorganised) mum of four.

Self-care Quickies

I believe that self-care is vital for everyone, and particularly for those of us who take care of others. I know a lot of mothers often wonder how they are supposed to fit self-care in to their already busy day. I know that large pockets of time are not often possible but I want to show you a few ways to integrate small moments of self-care in to your day.

For me, having quick things that I can do that nourish me is a must. As a mother of three I am busy and I cannot always find the time to get a massage, a facial or other things that may take organising a babysitter. I need things that I can do throughout the day to keep me feeling good and better able to deal with the daily parenting challenges like the kids fighting, bedtime struggles, crazy mornings.

Ideas for Self-Care in 15 minutes or less.

  • Step outside in to the fresh air – there is something about being outside that makes me feel refreshed and more centred.
  • Sit in the sun for five minutes and feel the warmth on your skin.
  • Sit in silence on your bed – this one can be hard because as soon as you disappear the children usually follow but it makes a such a difference to just get a few minutes alone. If not your bed maybe the toilet?
  • Breathe deeply in to your belly for three to five breaths – this does amazing things for your mind and body.
  • Drink you hot drink, holding it with two hands and enjoy it!
  • Spend a few minutes in the car alone before you pick up the kids/go in to work/walk in to a crazy house.
  • Put your favourite music on. I find this is an instant mood lifter for me and the kids.
  • Take a quick hot shower and then use your favourite body lotion.
  • Set your alarm for fifteen minutes and have a power nap if you don’t have any children at home to supervise.
  • If you have a hobby, take 15 minutes to do it!
  • Paint your nails.
  • Sit down and eat your lunch rather than grazing throughout the day while doing housework or working.
  • Read a book or magazine.
  • Go for a walk, pop the kids in the pram or on their bikes and go. Everyone will feel better for it.
  • Journaling, colouring, or whichever creative outlet you enjoy.
  • Go to be fifteen minutes earlier than normal.

These are just a few ideas of quick things you can to do to take care of YOU! Share with me what you do for quick self care.

 

What Are You Looking Forward To Most Right Now?

 

What are you looking forward to the most right now?

I am looking forward to spending a week in warm, sunny north Queensland in a few weeks time. Sun, warmth, family, beach and relaxing by the pool… sounds perfect to me! Oh and my sister is getting married up there too which I am very much looking forward to. Family holiday to the beach plus a family wedding, it will be a lot of fun!

Not Enough

I’m not good enough, not good at that, not talented enough, not outgoing enough, not clever enough, not enough.

I am not sure about you but ‘not enough’ thoughts have been part of my thought process for as long as I can remember. It has eased a little over the years but recently I noticed that it was back big time. Most of the reasons that were coming up for me as to why I hadn’t written a blog post for a long time were centered around ‘not enough” thoughts. “I am not a good enough writer”, “why would anyone read what I write when there are so many better writers out there” etc.

I almost talked myself out of applying for a job that I think would have worked for me well right now because I told myself that I wasn’t good enough to even have a chance. If I am honest, I let the ‘not enough’ thoughts stop me from doing lots of things.

I am guessing that most of us get these thoughts sometimes to varying degrees. Do you? Do we do it because we really think that we are not good enough? Is it our sense of self-worth? Because we are scared to step out of our comfort zone? Because we have been told that we are not enough by others? Because we have been told we are too much of something by others? Because we have been conditioned to think that it is not ok to think positively about ourselves? I certainly remember being told at school that I thought I was “too good” for other people or “up myself”.

I suspect it is a combination of all of the above and more.

So what do I (or we) do about it? For me, once I realise what I am doing (like now), I try to challenge those thoughts. Am I really a ‘not good enough’ writer? I suspect I am never likely to publish anything anywhere other than this blog but this is just a blog, it isn’t about perfect writing, it is about my thoughts. Why would anyone want to read what I write when there are so many other great blogs out there? Why do I care so much? What I need to do is just write when I want to, people can choose to read it… or not. I cannot control it. Am I really not good enough to apply for that job? What evidence do I have that I am not good enough to do the job? None. What evidence do I have that shows that I can? Um… maybe the several years of doing a very similar job!

Not enough thinking comes up in our parenting. We have a bad day and yell at the kids, we don’t feel that we feed them enough vegetables, we can’t afford the latest gadgets that the kids want – we tell ourselves that we are not a good enough parent. I want to ask you to look at the evidence which says that you are good enough. Are your kids fed? Are they happy? Clothed? Safe? Are you doing the best that you can? Then you are a good enough parent!

Next time you are telling yourself you are ‘not enough’, challenge those thoughts. Find the evidence that says that you are good enough. That is my plan anyway! It won’t always work but if we do it regularly enough maybe we can change our thoughts from ‘not enough’ to knowing that we are enough.

 

What Can You Do To Make Mother’s Day Enjoyable For You?

mothers day

 

For all of the mother’s out there celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend, what can you do to make Mother’s Day enjoyable for you? Do you need to buy yourself a gift, plan in some quiet time on the day, tell your partner what you need them to do on Mother’s Day (because they are not always good at guessing!), or do you need to lower your expectations? I had quite a lot of Mother’s Day’s where I felt disappointed that I couldn’t get the day I wished for… until I learnt that I needed to lower my expectations of others and do something for myself to make Mother’s Day more enjoyable for me!